Writer Wednesday: Ask Hannah, an Advice Column for The Dead Queens Club (+ INTL Giveaway!)

Maybe you heard me squealing about this book in my review on Saturday. Maybe you were just attracted by the interesting title. Maybe you’re secretly a queen who’s about to die and you’re looking for advice in your last moments.

No matter what situation you are in, there’s something for everyone in this post! (Though more specifically, Henry VIII’s queens–er, I mean Henry’s girlfriends. Yeah.)

The Dead Queens Club is basically infused with wit, dry humor, a protagonist with an awesome voice, and soooo much fun. I will scream about it till the end of my days but make sure you add it to Goodreads!!!

So sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the letters some characters from The Dead Queens Club (who are all coincidentally Henry’s girlfriends) sent Hannah, our lovely advice columnist.

Things are about to get deadly.

February 3

Dear Hannah,

I’m writing to request, politely, that you share with those it may concern that Henry Tudor—homecoming king, quarterback, junior class president—has a girlfriend. Additionally, please inform those it may concern that Henry’s girlfriend—homecoming queen, lacrosse captain, senior class president—is more than his equal. Henry should think before he does anything unwise.

Warmly,
Catalina Trastámara Aragón-Castilla

PS: Henry, I still love you.

Dear Lina,

In repayment for passing your message along, I’d like to mention that you’re much better than this boy. Dump him, go to college, become secretary-general of the UN, and find a devoted and hot trophy spouse, à la Amal Alamuddin and George Clooney (except like…younger than George Clooney, because you’re 17).

xoxo,
Hannah

May 17

Chère Hannah,

For the record, I’m NOT the kind of girl who asks for advice, but everything is spiraling so hard right now and I don’t know who to trust. And yes, I know everyone says it’s karma, now that Lina’s gone and Henry’s sick of me and that scheming little Jane girl is staring into his eyes 24/7. But that’s not even why I’m writing. I could take Jane in a fight, let’s be real. And I don’t even care who hates me.

God, where was I? I’m freaking out, and I need to chill. I just wanted to ask: do you think good boys can do bad things?

Meilleurs amites,
Anna Boleyn

Dear Anna,

Have you considered that Henry might not be a good boy at all?

xoxo,
Hannah

May 20

Dear Hannah,

What would you suggest as an outfit that works for a funeral in the morning, and also a casual afternoon first date? (Second date, if you count the funeral.) Nothing flashy, please!

Sincerely,
Jane Seymour

Dear Jane,

Please reconsider your life choices.

xoxo,
Hannah

September 3-ish??

Hannah. Aaaaaa!!!!

Why in the name of every known deity, and all the unknown ones also, is everyone at Lancaster High School so INTENSELY AND IRREVOCABLY MELODRAMATIC?? Is this a reality show and nobody remembered to tell me?? If so, where’s my paycheck? Because I deserve some serious cash after I decided to carpe diem and date Henry, and now it’s three seconds later and he’s spending a severely untoward amount of time staring at Katie Howard. Also everyone at this school takes high school dances WAY too seriously. Wow.

I’m realizing all these questions are rhetorical, and yeah. Oops. Awesome.

-CLEVES

Dear Cleves,

Historically, Henry’s life has been very dramatic, and history does tend to repeat itself. Play it safe.

xoxo,
Hannah

october 20 aka HOMECOMING SZN!!

hannah heyyyy!!!

okay this isn’t me asking for me, but what if my friend has a boyfriend but he’s kind of A Lot and there’s this other boy who’s really sweet and nice and rescues turtles and gives me rides home when i’m trashed af. what if my friend was SUPPOSED to like her boyfriend and she DOES, but she can’t stop thinking about the boy who rescues turtles. but i can’t dump henry!!! ahh this is a mess. also should i wear turquoise or pink to homecoming? i linked the dresses! thanks you’re the BEST!

love, katie howard

Dear Katie,

For the love of everything, dump Henry. Choose the turtle boy. Choose the actual turtle. Choose literally anyone else. Just DUMP HENRY FIRST. That’s the key. Okay? Also, go with turquoise. Pink is what they’ll expect.

xoxo,
Hannah

October 24

Dear Hannah,

What’s the appropriate amount of time post-tragedy to wait before asking a boy out?

Cordially,
Cat Parr

Dear Cat,

Whatever you do, don’t ask Jane Seymour.

xoxo,
Hannah

November 9

Dear Hannah,

Can I get revenge in a way that’s like, not completely legal, and still get into college and also make it to at least the top five of Miss America? Literally about to hunt someone down.

xx Parker Rochford

Dear Parker,

I’m a somewhat biased audience, but my gut says vengeance, always. Good luck.

xoxo,
Hannah

“Choose the actual turtle” OMG I AM DEAD.

If you didn’t notice, these are all 6 of Henry’s wives girlfriends in order, plus an ominous bonus at the end . . .

Seriously, this book is so so awesome and I hope you had fun reading this! It’s only a small taste of how amazing The Dead Queens club is and I hope you decide to read!! AHHH.

About the Book

The Dead Queens Club by Hannah Capin
Hardcover, 464 pages
January 29th 2019 by Inkyard Press

Mean Girls meets The Tudors in Hannah Capin’s The Dead Queens Club, a clever contemporary YA retelling of Henry VIII and his wives (or, in this case, his high school girlfriends). Told from the perspective of Annie Marck (“Cleves”), a 17-year-old aspiring journalist from Cleveland who meets Henry at summer camp, The Dead Queens Club is a fun, snarky read that provides great historical detail in an accessible way for teens while giving the infamous tale of Henry VIII its own unique spin.

What do a future ambassador, an overly ambitious Francophile, a hospital-volunteering Girl Scout, the new girl from Cleveland, the junior cheer captain, and the vice president of the debate club have in common? It sounds like the ridiculously long lead-up to an astoundingly absurd punchline, right? Except it’s not. Well, unless my life is the joke, which is kind of starting to look like a possibility given how beyond soap opera it’s been since I moved to Lancaster. But anyway, here’s your answer: we’ve all had the questionable privilege of going out with Lancaster High School’s de facto king. Otherwise known as my best friend. Otherwise known as the reason I’ve already helped steal a car, a jet ski, and one hundred spray-painted water bottles when it’s not even Christmas break yet. Otherwise known as Henry. Jersey number 8.

Meet Cleves. Girlfriend number four and the narrator of The Dead Queens Club, a young adult retelling of Henry VIII and his six wives. Cleves is the only girlfriend to come out of her relationship with Henry unscathed—but most breakups are messy, right? And sometimes tragic accidents happen…twice…

Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Book Depository

About the Author

Hannah Capin lives in Tidewater Virginia. She ​holds degrees from the Indiana University School of Music and Columbia University. When she isn’t writing, you’ll find her sailing, singing, or pulling marathon gossip sessions with her girl squad.

Photo Credit: Linda Tjossem

Website | Goodreads | Twitter | Instagram

Giveaway!

Want to try your luck at winning a signed copy of The Dead Queens Club?

Enter on Twitter and/or through the Rafflecopter button below where one lucky winner will receive their choice of a signed ARC or a signed hardcover of The Dead Queens Club! (Open internationally; bonus entries for teens, librarians, and teachers!)

Are you excited for The Dead Queens Club? (Say yes.)

Hannah’s post was so much fun! Make sure to let her know if you enjoyed this on her social media!